THE DAY THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

Five months into marriage. Am I drained? Yes, I am. Am I confused? A lot, yeah. Moving around in the house, cooking food and cleaning stuff. Making sure that everything is in place, neat and tidy when he returns from office. Making sure that he doesn't get angry at me.

He is late again. I am sitting in a chair in our small balcony. The evening view of the city of Chennai is beautiful, the sea breeze plays with my hair and it brings me back memories from last December,when we got married, Arjun and I.

It was an arranged marriage that went almost unaffected by the second wave of the Covid pandemic. Celebrations were plenty, rituals were long and tedious, food was satisfying and we were tired at the end of the day. As I retired into our room, ready for the atrocities of first night, I saw something that a newlywed girl shouldn't see.

Arjun was smoking in the balcony. He was busy checking updates about the cricket match that he had missed during the wedding celebrations. He sensed me walking into the room and looked up for a brief moment. I was startled by the look on his face. He had bloodshot eyes and reeked of cigarette and alcohol. I smiled at him, my stomach churning. He looked away.

The doorbell rings twice and I wake up from the reverie. Arjun is standing at the doorstep, tired and sweating. He hands me his leather bag and removes his shoes. I proceed to the kitchen and start preparing tea for him.

"Jeena," Arjun calls my name. For the first time in five months. I am surprised.

"Arjun...,"I say, as he puts his hand on mine.

Arjun doesn't say anything. He starts crying like a baby.

"Jeena, I'm sorry, my dear."

I am baffled. Sorry? For what?

He tells me about what happened at work. His manager has suspended him till further notice, as the audit report mentioned several glitches since Arjun had become assistant manager. This is his second low this year, after his sister died in a car accident.

I don't know what to say. I don't know how to pacify him, as he stares blankly at the wall. I know how difficult it is to land a banking job - and how difficult it is to work in such demanding conditions. The worst thing is I don't know how to initiate a conversation with my husband. Still I give it a try.

"Arjun, may I tell you something?"

Arjun nods. I say, "I know it is not your mistake. I can understand your pain. I have seen you coming home really late these days, you're clearly tired and overworked. I have seen you bringing files to home and work on them till midnight. But, Arjun, have you ever taken care of your health? Have you ever slept peacefully after you got promoted?"

My words of genuine concern are enough for Arjun to start sobbing again. I don't know what to do. I let him vent out his sadness.

After a while, he takes my hand in his. A strange emotion overcomes him as he kisses my hand. I suppress the flood of emotions- we have never had such an instance in the course of the five months that has elapsed.

"Jeena... I - I love - you," Arjun's voice cracks as he speaks.

"I know, I love you too, Arjun..."

"I'm sorry for everything, Jeena. I have never treated you right, and you deserve all happiness in the world. I have ignored you like you never existed. Today was an eye-opener for me -"

Arjun pauses as he notices a glint in the corner of my eye. He wipes the tear away. His touch stirs a different emotion in me - as I close my eyes, I can feel his breath against my face.

"You're beautiful, Jeena, it's a mystery why I never noticed this..," Arjun whispers ashis hands caress my hair.

"Have you ever spoken to me like this, Arjun, I feel so happy and lucky today," I say, "you need to take a break and appreciate things around you, my dear."

To this day, I remember that evening, 5 years ago, that single evening, that single conversation that broke the barriers that we had subconsciously constructed. The dusks of Chennai have become more graceful ever since.